Stop this Train

Gare Saint-Lazare (1877), Claude Monet

If you had asked me on any of my previous brithdays if I felt any different or if I felt like I had changed in the time lapse of a year, I would’ve said no; except for that one time when I turned 19 and I finally started to feel like a “real” adult–whatever that means.

But it took me 21 years and 76 days to finally feel really different–the kind of different that I would rather not feel. Somehow, being over the teen hump has brought upon me the weight of my years. I know they might not sound like many, but they’re starting to feel like a lot.

Much like John Mayer, I feel like yelling “stop this train, I’ll get off in the next stop and just stay there”. Maybe if the years stop running and dragging me with them, I won’t have to feel the presuure of caving to whatever society expects me to do or become.

It’s not that I’m afraid of growing old. I’m afraid that I won’t  ever do what I first set out to do when innocence gave you wings and nothing was impossible. I’m afraid of looking back on my life and realizing that it was just a big, fat Blah! and that I did not do anything for myself or for the Kingdom.

For some reason unknown to me, I had the notion that the time of my youth was infinite. I could waste all the time I wanted on silly, pointless things and somehow make up for it later.

But now, 21 years and 76 days after my birth,  I realize there really is no turning back. Whatever I didn’t do before must now be done in the future, if possible. Whatever memories I did not carve before today won’t ever be carved–at least not in the past.

I know that living a life I don’t regret involves risk. I’ll have to show all my cards, even If I don’t know if I’m winning. I have to dare myself to stop thinking about what people expect or want of me. I’ll have to stop second guessing my every move and just start living, like out of instinct–the instinct that we’re born with when we’re born of the Spirit.

I don’t want to live behind my coward excuses anymore.

A life of fear will never be worth telling.

Problem = Opportunity

Image Credit: putmeincoach13.blogspot.com

I found myself arriving home after a very long day at work, only to find out that I didn’t have the house keys. I would have to wait for an hour at least before anyone got home.

I was frustrated and tired, almost at the verge of tears because I really didn’t want to wait outside, and because whatever I had planned to do would have to be postponed.

I sat on the cold stairs and took deep breaths to calm myself down. Almost like an epiphany, I realized what I frequently forget: before I even thought about leaving work, God knew that I didn’t have my keys and that I would have to wait outside for a while. 

Maybe this was all part of His plan to give me a break–a break from the worries of the daily life and from the own excuses I give to justify the fact that I haven’t been spending much time with Him lately. Maybe He knew that if I wasn’t forced to be still, with no laptop or anything else I could work on, then we wouldn’t have had our much needed conversation (and I’m the needy party in the equation).

I sat on the cold stairs, but now, I was content. I was taking in every second of this moment of idleness that I desperately needed. But mostly, I took advantage of this moment of quiet solitude, of no responsibilities to distract me, to pray to my God.

He knew, better than I would, that I really needed to be locked out.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good [...]”    -Romans 8:28

Is Age a DealBreaker?

It’s no secret that one of the strongest foundations of a friendship is common ground. Do we have the same age? Are we studying the same career? Do we work for the same company? Do we like the same things? Do we share the same hobbies? Do we live by the same faith?

Faith can—and should be—the strongest foundation for our relationships. It shapes the way we think about everything else in our lives. It shapes the way we behave and react to certain situations. It produces a supernatural miracle in us, carried out by the Holy Spirit, that transforms us more into the likeness of Christ. And that is a bond that deserves more than a friendship.

THE FAITH BROTHERHOOD

John 1:12 says that “to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God”. That means that all of us who share the faith in Jesus should have more than a friendship, a brotherhood [as sons and daughters of God]. Sadly, most of the times, we treat this brotherhood more like a friendship. 

A letter to my students

Part of 10th grade

To my 8^th, 9^th and 10^th grade students:

Dear students:

I never thought I would be a teacher—much less a high school math teacher. It had never been a career or job option for me. But somehow–very unexpectedly–I got this job offer to be a substitute math teacher for a month, and I strongly felt like this was the direction God wanted for me at the moment. I didn’t understand where He was taking me, though.

But I went with it. And I enjoyed it, even if it was exhausting many times. I, myself, didn’t understand the hard, physical, vocal and mental work that being a teacher requires. If I had known when I was a student, I probably would’ve been more empathetic.

But I know that you still don’t understand that. And that’s why you sometimes talk loudly during class, and I have to strain my throat so that my voice prevails over yours. Other times, I would have to make a superhuman effort to force my body to go to class, because I was really tired. A couple of times, I had to stay up until 3 in the morning preparing your exams for the next day, trying to be as fair and as easy on you as justice would allow. It was hard work, and some times I felt like I wouldn’t be able to make it through the month. But with the grace of God and a cup of coffee each morning, I was able to make it through each day.

And even all the late nights, all the hard work and all the exhaustion I went through wouldn’t ever make me regret taking this job.